Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Leap of Faith
It has been a while since I blogged. So much has happened that has kept me from blogging, and I'll eventually write about it...but not now. What I do want to share is that Tofer and I took a leap of faith today. We made the decision to say yes to a profile of a baby that we received last night. Saying yes doesn't guarantee anything. We could be one of 100 couples that say yes to this baby, and we are fully prepared to deal with not being chosen, but I have to say it felt good to say yes. A few months ago I told people that I could never see myself being a mama to anyone but Tori, but I think my heart has changed some. We don't know a lot about the baby because he/she hasn't been born. The birth mother is 16 and her only request is that the people that adopt her baby are experienced with parenting and that there's other children in the house. They do not know the gender of the baby. The ultrasounds have shown great progress and there are no concerns. So what happens now? All of the interested families have profiles sent over to the person handling the case. (this is straight adoption~NO social workers involved!!!!) There's a committee that will look through the family profiles and then will choose a few families to interview and then they'll make a final choice. The profiles have been asked to be in by March 1st and they will meet either March 3rd or 5th. The baby is due April 15th, so the decision will have to be made pretty soon. I'm not going to get my hopes up. I'm just glad we said yes. We are praying for God's will and appreciate prayers.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Suffering
Today at church, Pastor Susan's sermon was on suffering. She preached a very touching message and I was extremely 'moved' by her words. 2 months ago today, our sweet Tori was taken from us...I think I was definitely suffering today but was reminded that although I may suffer, I still need to trust God. My mama sent me an email that was sent to her by another friend...I think it says it all...
Me: God, can I ask You a question?
God: Sure
Me: Promise You won't get mad
God: I promise
Me: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today?
God: What do u mean?
Me: Well, I woke up late
God: Yes
Me: My car took forever to start
God: Okay
Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait
God: Hmmm
Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call
God: All right
Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn't work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that?
God: Let me see, the death angel was at your bed this morning & I had to send one of My Angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that
Me (humbled): OH
GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.
Me: (ashamed)
God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work.
Me (embarrassed):Okay
God: Your phone went dead because the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered.
Me (softly): I see God
God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.
Me: I'm Sorry God
God: Don't be sorry, just learn to Trust Me.... in All things , the Good & the bad.
Me: I will trust You.
God: And don't doubt that My plan for your day is Always Better than your plan.
Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, Thank You for Everything today.
God: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I Love looking after My Children...
Me: God, can I ask You a question?
God: Sure
Me: Promise You won't get mad
God: I promise
Me: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today?
God: What do u mean?
Me: Well, I woke up late
God: Yes
Me: My car took forever to start
God: Okay
Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait
God: Hmmm
Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call
God: All right
Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn't work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that?
God: Let me see, the death angel was at your bed this morning & I had to send one of My Angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that
Me (humbled): OH
GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.
Me: (ashamed)
God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work.
Me (embarrassed):Okay
God: Your phone went dead because the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered.
Me (softly): I see God
God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.
Me: I'm Sorry God
God: Don't be sorry, just learn to Trust Me.... in All things , the Good & the bad.
Me: I will trust You.
God: And don't doubt that My plan for your day is Always Better than your plan.
Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, Thank You for Everything today.
God: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I Love looking after My Children...
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Wine and Design
Last night, I went to Wine and Design with some of the ladies from my church. I was excited to go, but being the artistically challenged person that I am, was anxious about what was in store. I don't see myself as an artistic person. I am creative when it comes to some things, but there is not an artistic bone in my body; even my stick people are scary. I sat in the back (first mistake) and when the artist started giving direction, I immediately fell behind and then got even more anxious. At one point she told us not to think about what we were doing. Seriously, me? Not think? Um....that's impossible. Kristofer says I analyze everything, and I do. So later when she tells us to 'use our energy to add to our painting', I wanted to raise my hand and ask her what color my energy was and which size brush I needed to use to show said energy. There was an assistant there that helped people when they needed help...I think I monopolized her time. I said on more than one occasion that I could now relate to my students who have learning challenges after having this experience...and I was not being funny or insulting, I REALLY felt challenged (and not in a good way) while painting. However, with a little relaxing (and no, it wasn't from the wine...I didn't have time to drink...I was too busy looking for my energy!), and encouragement from my untruthful friends, I began to loosen up and enjoy the experience. When I brought it home to my family, I immediately felt a little bit of accomplishment as they told me how good it was. (not sure if they were lying or not...and I didn't bother to ask) I might just do it again...but I think next time, I'll sit up front, research brush strokes and blending prior to going, and see if by chance, they offer a paint by number option. :) I decided to include my masterpiece below.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
What if...
I was at the Cooks for Books on Tuesday night with my mama. As we were chatting with friends, someone brought up how much we have to be thankful for...as well as how much we take for granted. I've seen several interpretations of this saying, but it goes something like, "How much would you have if you only had today what you thanked God for yesterday?" This really makes me think. I mean, thanking him for family is a given. But do I thank him for the 'little' things like hot water, soft pillows, a razor, an in the door ice maker and water dispenser? What would I have if I was only given what I expressed thanksgiving for? Kinda makes me think...also kinda puts me in my place....I am so very blessed...Thank you God for my many blessings.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Are you doing ok?
I called today to make an appointment for Ana and me to go and get manicures and pedicures on Saturday. (we received gift cards from my parents for Christmas) I have not been to this particular nail salon since October. The lady that does my nails also does my mama's nails so I asked mama the last time she went, to tell Kathy (my nail lady) about Tori so the next time I went, I would not have to explain. When I called today, I made the appointment, and Kathy said, "How are you, are you doing ok?" So, it got me thinking...what does it mean when I am telling people I am ok? I looked up the definition of ok on the internet. Here is what it said:
The day that Tori was taken from us, I took a picture of her holding my hand...here it is:
- Used to express assent, agreement, or acceptance.
- Satisfactory but not exceptionally or especially good.
- In a satisfactory manner or to a satisfactory extent.
- An authorization or approval.
- To sanction or give approval.
The day that Tori was taken from us, I took a picture of her holding my hand...here it is:
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