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I called today to make an appointment for Ana and me to go and get manicures and pedicures on Saturday. (we received gift cards from my parents for Christmas) I have not been to this particular nail salon since October. The lady that does my nails also does my mama's nails so I asked mama the last time she went, to tell Kathy (my nail lady) about Tori so the next time I went, I would not have to explain. When I called today, I made the appointment, and Kathy said, "How are you, are you doing ok?" So, it got me thinking...what does it mean when I am telling people I am ok? I looked up the definition of ok on the internet. Here is what it said:
- Used to express assent, agreement, or acceptance.
- Satisfactory but not exceptionally or especially good.
- In a satisfactory manner or to a satisfactory extent.
- An authorization or approval.
- To sanction or give approval.
You know, I'm not sure I am any one of these. I guess, for today, I just 'am.' I am very blessed, and I honestly force myself (sometimes it is harder than others) to count my blessings and not look at my losses, but some days are harder than others. This is one of those days. I miss Tori. You know, I can't picture her. If I try really hard to imagine her face, I can't do it. I have forgotten what her voice sounded like, I have forgotten her smell, the way she hugged me, the touch of her hand. But I have not forgotten how much she changed my life. I will never be the same. I love you Tori and I miss you terribly today.
The day that Tori was taken from us, I took a picture of her holding my hand...here it is:
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2 comments:
Missi, those memories aren't gone......they're just buried for right now, because to bring them forth is just too painful. Give yourself some time and patience and when you're ready....when the pain of the loss has somewhat subsided.....when you least expect them, they'll come flooding back! You'll smell the scent of her skin, you'll feel her touch, hear her little giggles and her voice and she'll be as close as your next breath! It is impossible to forget something so precious. I can still picture her beautiful little face, that mischievous grin and those two adorable little "pigtails"! She is forever indelibly inscribed upon my heart and mind!
Missi, You will always be holding Tori's hand and she will forever be in your heart. Tori will never forget the assurance she received from the unconditional love you and Kristofer showed her. Love you, Karen
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