A New Beginning

Kristofer and I have our interview for Angel in about 14 hours.  This interview represents many things.  Kristofer and I have mutually decided to stop receiving profiles after this one.  We have informed our social worker that after July 15th, we are done.  It sounds so negative, but I think the best way to explain it is we need to have closure at some point, and over a year ago, we agreed to stop pursuing adoption once I turned 40 (which will be on July 11th). 

About a month ago, Tori's dad texted me and told me his mother had Tori's pictures made that day and he wanted to send us one once they got them back.  I mentioned to him that I had pictures of Tori from the months she was with us and told him I'd be happy to mail him some.  Last night, I went through my "Tori boxes" and carefully chose pictures of her.  I'm not going to lie, it was hard, but not as hard as I thought it would be.  I mailed those pictures today, and when I did, I felt like I let go a little more.  I am ready to have a fresh start.  I know I'll never forget her, but I need a new beginning, and if it happens to be a new beginning with Angel, I'm ready.

I am anxious.  I'm not worried about the interview.  I'm worried that we won't be chosen.  I'm worried that my dream of being a mama will be shattered...

I have faith and I do trust in God's perfect plan for my life; I think that is what is getting me through.

We'll interview tomorrow morning, and from what we understand, we should know something in a week.  We have no idea who else is going to be interviewed (and don't really care to know) or when they are being interviewed.  There is no prep for the interview...we've just been told to be ourselves.  (and those of you that know Tofer, know that can be scary!)  :)  Tofer has said all along,  "If people can meet us, they'll want to choose us."  I hope that's true...