Wedding....

This weekend Tofer and I attended the wedding of one of my very best friends.  This was the first wedding that Tofer and I have attended together.  (except for our own)  When Denise and Steve got engaged, Denise asked me if I would be her wedding coordinator.  I directed my cousin's wedding as well as a family friend's wedding a few years back, so I told her I'd be happy to do it.  Denise is a teacher and is very organized and knew exactly what she wanted.  (for the most part~she changed some things on me the night before the wedding!)  It was easy to put her wants on paper and then design her wedding ceremony.  It was a beautiful day and Denise and Steve were so happy! 

It was very touching to sit with my husband and hold his hand as 2 people we care for were pledging their love for each other.  The minister (who by the way was absolutely wonderful!) reminded Denise and Steve that people were going to watch them now that they are married.  He said they needed to be aware that people were going to listen to how they talked to each other and that people would watch how they treated each other.  That really hit hard.  I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I can't stand to disappoint those that I love and when I feel that I have, I get real defensive.  When I am defensive, I look a little lot witchy.  Witchy turns into 'having a tone in my voice' and giving Tofer what he calls "the look".  If anyone is watching us at this point, we have definitely not been good witnesses.  I don't believe that we should pretend that things are always perfect, but I do believe that sometimes I should wait to speak  raise my voice express my feelings at a time when maybe I am not feeling so defensive.  I still have so much to learn about marriage.  I am very blessed to be married to someone who has patience with me (most of the time) and is willing to let me learn what battles are worth fighting.

I'm back :)

I find it funny that in January I thought I could blog every day...boy, was I wrong.  I have missed it though.  I found some ideas for blogging/journaling on pinterest, so I am going to use those to give me ideas when I am struggling with what to write about.  But today, I have no loss for words...I know exactly what I need to say.  Three months ago today, Tori was given back to her biological father.  Although there are times when I still question, I have moved on as much as humanly possible and I try to laugh and smile when I think of her instead of cry.  There's a saying out there, "Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened".  Well, I don't always take that approach to things, but as far as Tori goes, that is exactly what I am trying to do...smile because it happened.  I know there is a reason that Tori was brought into our lives.  I also know there is a reason that we lost her...I just don't know what that reason is.  I have come to realize that it is not for me to know.  I am to trust the plan that God has for me and I know that sometimes it will not make sense, but it is not my job to try to make sense of it.  I have grown a lot the past 3 months.  One of my colleagues looked at me the other day and told me she admired me for how I have handled this whole situation.  She told me I could have laid in my bed and cried and mourned and no one would have blamed me.  You know, she's right!  I'm just thankful that I didn't choose that as my way to cope.  I am better because Tori was a part of my life.