More drama....

I received a phone call from Tori's social worker from Greene County DSS yesterday.  I had sent her 3 emails over the past month and she finally returned my call yesterday.  Let me back up...Elizabeth (the social worker) suggested that I write a letter to be put in Tori's fie at DSS along with some pictures of us in case Tori ever showed up at DSS wanting to know about who she was with when she was in foster care.  I think she suggested this also as a way for me to have some closure.  About 2 weeks ago, after not hearing back from her, I told Kristofer that I thought something must have happened down there since we have not heard from her.  I knew that something was wrong, and I was sure that I wasn't going to like it when I found out what "it" was...and boy, was I right.

So, yesterday was a workday for me at school.  First thing in the morning, I was in another teacher's classroom and she and her assistant were asking me about Tori and what happened.  (they were tracked out when Tori was taken from us)  As I was talking to them, I told them that one of the things that was so hard was not having closure and always wondering what if.  That was around 7:45 am.  At 8:33 am, my cell phone rang and it was Elizabeth.  She first apologized for not getting back with me sooner.  She also told me she didn't call me back because she had to check with her supervisor about what to tell me.  (her supervisor is the person who worked with us for the first several months we had Tori)  I could tell that she was uncomfortable when we were on the phone, and I knew what she was going to share with me wasn't going to be happy news.  In a nutshell, she told me that we could not send a letter or pictures for Tori.  She said it concerned her supervisor for us to send anything.  I even reiterated that I was only following her (Elizabeth's) recommendation, and she said she realized that and she didn't see the harm, but she was just telling me what her supervisor told her she had to tell me.  She said that DSS had caught some heat from the GAL office about our situation and that her supervisor was concerned about us.  She said that the GAL office shared with Tori's bio father that Kristofer and I were upset and that we had wanted to adopt Tori.  So...that is why we have not been provided with his new number.  Let me also back up and say that for 5 months, Tori's bio dad told everyone involved (social workers, the judge, us) that he wanted us to be in Tori's life no matter what.  Then, about 3 weeks ago, when we tried to call to check in, the number was changed.  I was told yesterday that he changed his number due to Tori's bio mom trying to call, and when Elizabeth asked him if she could pass along his new number to us, he said no, that he just wanted it to be him and Tori for now.  I was also told that Elizabeth could not talk with us anymore.  I finally asked the dreaded question...we had been told that if anything happened and Tori ever came back into care, that she would be brought straight to us.  I asked Elizabeth if that was still the case.  She said her supervisor had concerns about Tori coming to stay with us again.  I explained to Elizabeth that we were aware that phone calls had been made out of concern for Tori, and that we didn't ask anyone to make the calls, although we didn't mind people expressing their concern about how this case was handled.  She thanked me over and over again for taking such good care of Tori and for loving her.  She also asked me to pass along her appreciation to Tofer.  She told me that she hoped that we would keep trying to adopt and she also told me she was sorry things ended like they did.  She told me to keep praying for Tori.  That's it.  They're done with us.  We are being punished because people didn't do their jobs and got called out on it.  We could have exposed a lot, but chose not to, and we're still seen as a 'concern.'  All we ever did was love Tori and want her rights to be respected, we never wanted anything but the best for her. 

I don't know what we'll do next.  Part of me wants to tell our story to someone who can do something about it.  Someone who can step in and say that IF Tori were to come back into care, she should be with a family that she knows.  Someone who can and will do what is best for her.  Someone who will look into the case and hold those accountable that have harmed Tori and abused the system. 

I am praying that if we need to share our story in order to help other children, an opportunity present itself to talk to the 'right person.'  I'm not out for revenge, but if telling our story will help other children, we'll do it. 

Part of me wants to just be done.  Earlier this week, I wrote a letter to Tori on my other blog, one that helped me with my process of trying to move on.  I knew there was a chance I would not ever mail that letter to anyone, and that she may never read it, but it helped to get it out.  Part of me wants to see yesterday's phone call as an answer to my prayer of needing closure. 

When I talked with my mom yesterday, I told her that even though the phone call was horrible, I was not devastated.  My God is bigger than DSS, GAL, social workers, and all the other agencies involved.  If it is His plan for Tori to be with us, He will make it happen.  I am going to trust God's plan.  Don't get me wrong, I am not living my life as if Tori is coming back, but I am also not going to live a defeated life.  I am going to live...that's all I can do...and pray for Tori.